DATELINE: HUMOR!
Whew, it did not take long for the psychic illness to manifest on the Red Sox.
Earlier in the week Dr. Bobby Valentine, manager of the Red Sox, told assembled multitudes of press/media types that Josh Beckett suffers from being "mentally bruised." He has also diagnosed Kevin Youkilis with "emotional and physical" issues.
This may be worse than we think. The Red Sox may sign Norman Bates to be cleanup hitter.
If Josh Beckett is in danger of losing some of his little grey cells, he may be in for a long season and a worse retirement.
Beckett does not have many grey cells to begin with, and any he loses through bruising could prove to be detrimental to his temperament.
We all know that Beckett is 90% temper and 10% mental.
We now discover he is 90% detrimental and 10% bruised.
The odds are not with the tall Texan. He needs to wash the water off his brain with some suds. If we want a thumbnail picture of his mental state, we couldn't find one any smaller.
Apparently throwing gopher balls has shrunk his mental capacity. At this rate, his grey matter may be in worse shape that the monthly unemployment rate.
We always thought the skull of Josh Beckett was thicker than the walls of the vault at Fort Knox.
Not so for Kevin Youkilis. Boston's own sweathog third baseman received Dr. Valentine's diagnosis. He must start breaking as many batting helmets as he can find.
According to Dr. V, this serious condition calls into account whether Youk is capable of playing without a heart.
Not since the Tin Man in Oz has this diagnosis been made by the best psychiatric minds. Dr. Valentine remains on the cutting edge.
Stay tuned for open-heart surgery and brain transplants soon to be performed by Dr. V on a case-by-case basis in the clubhouse.
It sounds like an episode of The Walking Dead, but it is just another Red Sox season.
